My life is various and unusual. Many people want to live the same life as I do. But what
is the sense of it? What do I want to find – money, comfort, serenity, joy, love… or may be
something more? Trying to understand it I'm walking to mountains. Each time I find something
new there. Something new around me, something new inside me. But still I'm sometimes tired
of climbing and so I come back home to change the scenery.
Though I have a lot of friends, there are also some moments in my life when I don't
wonna see anybody, don't wonna talk but just be alone. So I go out to the street and put on
my sun glasses hiding my sole in the dark. I don't want anybody to catch my sight. I realize
the great difference in myself five years ago and now. Then I had nothing but I was happy.
Now I have one of the best educations, many friends, good alpinist's career, some money and
a job of a mountain guide. I'm still alive though I was five times looking in death's eyes
with few chances to survive… But why I'm not so happy as I was? May be I have became too
serious or may be I want too much from this life? It is not a problem to find ANYBODY, but
just to get real senses.
Yes, we are free, sometimes free too much. We are strong and firm, always ready to
extreme situations. And what can you see in the eyes of a mountain guide? Sometimes – worry,
sometimes – joy, sometimes – rain, sometimes – sun going down, sometimes – fire, sometimes –
steel, and sometimes only pain… We remember crazy projects made by us, our lost friends,
moments of danger and relaxation.
I know many people will say: "Hey, don't live in past, think of your future!"
I don't live in past, but I can't and don't wonna forget it. In many moments of my life I
turned back and then found enough power to overcome everything.
What I'm now? Sometimes I want to change everything, sometimes – to leave all the same.
I'm standing on the balkon of the 12th floor of old hotel. Only one step and no more
problems... It seems very often that there is nothing to loose but in the mountains I
realize how valuable is LIFE. From the other hand when I need to relax my mind I make free
solo climbings or just tours in wild places in winter. I can try climbing a mountain in such
weather when others don't even think of it. That is not cause of my courage, but just cause
of my mind. It is the only way to make it free.
So most of crazy things in my life I made for girls I was with or wanted to be with. And
who knows, may be one of them is YOU?
